2J. The Personality Traffic Light

Let us consider these three Adult, Child and Parent aspects which are evident in each one of us and try to understand how God can enter in and transform them.

The Adult

The "adult" type of reaction is necessary for survival as it processes data and computes the information essential for dealing effectively with the outside world. For example, when you try to cross a busy highway your logical powers of assessment come to bear upon that situation. You automatically estimate the speed and distance of the cars approaching you from several directions. You hesitate until you are sure that you can make it safely to the other side. In conversation the adult reaction comes to bear. You are asked a question or someone makes a statement to you. Your mind prompts you with the facts from other experiences you may have had. You therefore accept, deny or do not act upon the original statement on those grounds.

When Jesus meets the woman of Samaria at the well, He prompts her, "If you only knew what God gives and who it is that is asking you for a drink, you would ask him, and he would give you life-giving water" (John 4:10). Her logical powers (Adult mode) go into play and the only answer that she can find is that He is talking of the water in the deep well. She therefore answers, "You don't have a bucket and the well is deep. Where would you get that life-giving water?" The Christian witness can lead a person to the Saviour via a series of questions. "Is God real in your life?" "Why did Jesus die upon the cross?" "What does this Bible verse tell you about God's love?" Some people do not respond through a mental process but rather an emotional one. The evangelist would want to take a different approach to this type of "child" response.

The Child

The ego states fixed in early childhood are termed the "child." Dr. Berne writes, "The child is in many ways the most valuable part of the personality, and can contribute to the individual's life exactly what an actual child can contribute to family life. Charm, pleasure and creativity." When Jesus first meets the woman at the well, He employs the child ego state to open the conversation with, "Give me a drink of water" (John 4:7). The spontaneous expression of the natural child is sometimes seen in an adult who is drunk. "Usually this decommissions the Parent first, so that the adapted child is freed of the parental influence and is transformed by release into the natural child." So the drunk tries to do tricks, cries or laughs uncontrollably, and doesn't care what people are thinking. The kind of people who drink excessively often have a deep desire for Godly satisfaction in their own life, yet just cannot seem to work it out logically. No counselling chain of Bible verses will help them, they have to simply come to God as a little child.

To the child in all of us, Jesus becomes a friend, a parent, a healer, a comforter, a partner in life. He becomes the Good Shepherd, the Bread of Life, the Vine or the Living Water depending upon our need. "Come unto me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit; and you will find rest" (Matthew 11:28,29). Some of us may have a logical grasp on the way of Salvation but unless we gain something of the child as well it can become merely a cold intellectualism. Didn't Jesus say that unless one becomes like a little child one cannot enter the kingdom of heaven?

The Parent

The "parent" in each one of us has two main functions. First, it enables an individual to act effectively as the parent of actual children, thus promoting the survival of the human race. Secondly it saves us a good deal of time and energy by making many automatic responses. When we tell someone, "Don't touch!" - they instinctively pull their hand away from whatever it was that was a danger. The parent mode frees a person from the necessity of making innumerable trivial decisions and allows him or her to use either the logical Adult functions or emotive Child functions more fully.

The Parent mode, however, can present problems in a witnessing situation. Some people have been taught by their parents never to discuss religion, so when faith is mentioned their Parent mechanisms shut down the logical thought patterns and emotions and automatically change the subject or switch off their mind. The Parent block prevents the Adult or Child response. As this is basically an objection to thinking through the subject, the best approach is to search in the Child area for an emotional response to God and work with it. There is always the danger of the fuse blowing again once you mention God but the Holy Spirit can break through at a subconscious level when human resources fail.

The three responses may be seen quite clearly in the way people relate to God. The Adult is seen in the verse to verse counseling chains and Bible exposition appealing to the logical traits in all of us. The Child is seen in the emotional hymn, the quietly repetitive prayer and even for some in the clouds of incense billowing heavenward. Amazingly, the Parent is evident when someone says, "But we were always taught to do it this way," perhaps because a minister or parent had said so! So we can see that by understanding our natural responses more clearly, we may be better able to lead someone to God who would otherwise not find Him.

"Practical Christian Outreach in the Local Church"

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